I bet nobody reads this oh-so-dead blog of mine anymore but it's okie. I'm still using my blog as a medium to vent out my emo feelings that I don't know who to share with.

Recently, I lost every single ounce of my confidence. I don't really know why but I'm starting to have doubts in whether I will succeed in my medical course and become a fully-fledged doctor. I knew at the very beginning that the path to become a successful doctor is not easy.

Just that I never knew it would be this difficult.


Things in university is less complicated now. I should be happy but somehow I'm not. Homesick maybe? I haven't stepped onto Penang soil for months already. Haven't seen my old friends nor my family nor my dearest dog.

I'm starting to feel lifeless here. Probably due to the lack of social activities as finals are just around the corner. Will I be able to pass?

Everyday I wake up, go to lectures, nap, eat, study.
A neverending routine.
And yet, I'm not working hard enough.
Maybe that's why I have no confidence that I will pass my finals.

Since when have I become so weak?
I guess it's because there is no one here for me to talk to. The people I love are so far away. The people I thought I could trust have already left. And it's my own fault. But I know it's for the best.

I'm not proud of myself nor my actions recently.
Starting to feel kinda useless.
Just wanna give up and do something else.
I don't really know.

I hope this is just a rough patch that I'm going through. And that eventually, my motivation will arrive and drive the confidence out of me. I miss highschool life. I really do. When things were never this complicated or difficult.

Am I on the right path?
Am I doing the right thing?
I hope so.

I guess I should try to hold on and don't give in.
Jiayou me. :)

And Happy New Year.
2012 please be kind.